Boogie Woogie Fiddle Country Blues

 WooooooPOW!! 

 

Ah it’s been going pretty good since my last post. We have the jeep runnin like she’s brand new, so that’s great! I’ve been in Toledo bend for most of the past week, got home yesterday and went to the camp!! I’m probably going to try and spend a lot of time down there this weekend… We’ll see! Sorry for such a short update buuut I gotta run

Ah A quick update…

Well It’s been a long while since I’ve wrote in this blog. I was without internet for awhile, then fell out of the habit of blogging. But here I am now. The hot humid summer is upon us and this is as good an excuse as any to stay inside. 

 

Lets see now. There have been some pretty significant changes  since my last entry. On December 17, 2007 I started working for the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries, in the Inland Fisheries department. It has been an amazing ride so far. I love the job and the people. There is not one single jerk or rude person in our District Office. I get to be outside all day riding around in a boat. I see the sunrise of the lakes and bayous we’re on every morning!  We have lunch under a shade tree on the bank, and I get all kinds of great pictures of wildlife. I broke my camera about a month ago, so I’ll have to buy another one soon. I may post some of what I have for you to see though. 

 My dog, Lucy, has been through a lot too. But she’s a trooper. She’s had two litters of puppies and somewhere in between had to have her right front leg amputated. It was horrible! She jabbed some type of rod up her leg and tore a bunch of blood vessels. The vets did what they could to save the leg, but it had to be amputated. She’s bounced back very nicely though!  And now her first litter of puppies are bigger than she is! lol 

 

 In April i went to my first ever Mud Nationals Weekend. It was a blast! 5 days of fourwheeler riding and crazy people going through crazy deep mud and water! And ah what happens in Texas stays in Texas.. That’s our motto!  haha

 

 We had a high water at our camp this spring, so we’ve spent the last month replacing floors and repainting. It’s about ready though!!! Exciting! That place is heaven on earth… No kidding. 

 i guess that is really about it! Maybe there hasn’t been many changes! Still no girlfriend, which I expect will not change anytime soon. There are some of interest.. but none of which I could possible pursue. 

I started a diet two weeks ago. I’ve gained 15lbs since my new job started and I wanna lost twice that, Maybe alittle more. So far so good. I lost 10 lbs my first two weeks! Nothing too hardcore… just cut back on my meals and cut out snacks and dr peppers.

Last sunday my neighbor and lifelong buddy decided we were going to fix up the old Willy jeep. My dad drowned it about two summers ago, but a friend of his gave him another old worn out willy for parts. Over the past week We’ve made a lot of changes. I’ll make a post all about it, with pictures, I’m sure. Today we’re going to see if the Ole Willy will roar to life again. (It’s about 60 years old) So we’re keeping our fingers crossed on that one.

I’m gunna try to keep this blog from being too political or opinionated… So I may make another blog just for my rantings. =) 

I’m going to add a couple of pics now. Just of my job and the jeep and Mud Nationals…

 

Today is my 21st birthday! I started my new job last night as 11:30!!!! i didn’t realize I would be starting yesterday. So I’ve been awake for over 26 hours now. It’ll probably be another 4 or 5 before I get to take a little nap. I feel like a zombie!!!! This weekend is gunna be WONDERFUL! It’s squirrel weekend… I’ll explain later. For now I have osoo much to do. Everyone have a great weekend!!!!!!

Happiness, Selfishness

“Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all.” Ah So I’m back again for another little update. A whole lot has gone on! Here in a few I have to go pick up an application for a temporary job I’m gunna be working for a month or so. I quit the meat cutting business… had all I could stand. I went to the LSU game in New Orleans this weekend… Lots of fun. Bourbon Street it awesome! My 21st birthday is this Thursday! Squirrel weekend is this weekend! The weather is cooling off and my dog had 4 puppies! I had a lot more and some pics to post. So I will try to update more thoroughly to night and post some pics!!

Well, bad news to all my (two) blog readers. lol. Mylaptop is utterly and totally destroyed. It’s in about a thousand pieces. My pretty Apple iBook. I’d had it for about a year and eight months. It still ran as smooth and error free as the first day I turned it on… so I was pretty heart broken.

I’ll explain how it happened. In short, I’m an idiot. Work has been less than enjoyable lately because we’re underpaid, overworked, and it has been super busy. Yes, I’ll take some cheese with that whine! August 30, the first LSU game. We were busy and I was running late getting out of there. As soon as I clocked off i walked out with my computer and called up Maddy cause I hadn’t been able to talk to her all day. i was talking to her and to get the keys out of my pocket to unlock my truck, i set my computer on the roof. The only thing on my mind was her and I totally forgot about the computer.

Needless to say once i got on the highway it didn’t last long. I heard it hit the side of my truck then watched it in my side mirror as it was ran over by the dually behind me. I circled back around and saw it in a thousand pieces.

So I’m not going to have as much access to the internet as usual. We have a Dell at home, but I can barely stand to be on a Windows machine for very long anymore. It always screws up one way or another. I miss the Mac… I was totally and completely spoiled by it. So until I can save up enough money for another one, I’m just out of luck. I could get a Windows PC, but I refuse to go back to that.

So I will still try to update this at least bi weekly if not every week.

Take care

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

Do You Believe Me Now?

Men love because they are afraid of themselves, afraid of the loneliness that lives in them, and need someone in whom they can lose themselves as smoke loses itself in the sky.

I was spraying down the equipment listening to John Anderson singing “Your Lying Blue Eyes” and thinking heavily this afternoon at work. I had everything soaked and it was starting to get hot while the cooler defrosted, but I was in a hurry so I kept working. Thats when she walked in out of the blue. I looked at the clock, it was 5:30. She’s supposed to be at a senior meeting. But there she is. She had on flip flps, some very short (but cute not hoochie) shorts, and a green shirt that is one of her favorites i assume, cause I’ve seen her wear it often the past couple of weeks. Her hair was pulled back and she had little make up on as usual, but I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. So beautiful. To most she probably is about average, nothing special. But not to me. She is special. I can’t figure out for the life of me why… She stayed and we talked for the better part of 30 minutes. She smiles and I melt! Oh That smile!

Today when I finally made it home I got online to check my mail. There was the ole horoscope that I get every day. I usually just delete it but I decided to give it a look and it said, “Today is best for reviewing old business or thinking back on your personal history. Though you prefer the present you have a lot to learn from what went on before.” I couldn’t believe it, it was right on the money. That’s exactly what I did today. After maddie left i was in a much better mood so I started doing some thinking. Then out of now where, BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been an idiot! It may be too late to date her, i’m not sure at the moment… I’ll know tomorrow. Or perhaps tonight. We’ll see. But I’ve been so stupid.

I did this same thing before. There was a girl in highschool I met through a friend, and we hit it off. Within the first couple days we were staying up on the phone till 3 in the morning. Talking like 8+ hours of the day (during the summer) and never running outof things to talk about. It was amazing. But guess what? I never made a move. We talked about how much we liked one another. But i never made a move. I was scared to death. I’d never felt anything like that before in my life, and I still haven’t since then. The feeling didn’t leave me either, even after she assumed I just wanted to be friends (because I didn’t make a move) and started dating one of my friends. I had it BAD for her for about 4 years. Till I finally was able to just let it go… mostly due to the fact that she got married and then pregnant… totally out of no where. Anyways. I’ve been doing the same thing with maddie.

It seems like i subconciously sabotage good things. I do exactly what I shouldn’t, and somehow convince myself that it’s OK. I don’t need to do anything. it’ll be alright. Inaction is the worst possible thing I could do. I’ve been talking with her for almost 2 weeks. No action. So I’m going to try and make things right. We’ll see how that goes I guess… I hope I’m not too late… I would keep typing and try to explain, but I’m super tired and I want to call her up…

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

As Lovely As You…

I got more in this heart of mine
way more than you’ll ever find
in all those boys who hang around your door
More love than you’ve ever known
more strength than I’ve ever shown
Whatever it is you’re lookin’ for, I got more

Ah, I stay totally confused with this beginning relationship stuff. My last post was pretty pessimistic, and I’m sorry for that. I get down at times… for the most part I’m a optimistic type when it comes to most things. I see every sunset as a beautiful miracle God creates every day. I take in all the little things. I never take them for granted. I try to notice every pretty blue sky and every nice cool breeze. Little things like that keep me happy, and most likely sane too!

Then here comes this girl into play, and each day seems like a rollercoaster. One day she seems almost fed up with my lack of advances, but then that night she calls and we talk for hours, then the next morning she calls to wake me up, to make sure I’m to work on time and we talk for awhile more.

I had to work the late shift today, and she was off, so I figured maaaybe we could hang out when I got off work. Things looked pretty good. Then her and her mom got into a fight. They fight a lot, and I actually think it’s more because of her mom. Her mom and dad are divorced and she says her mom is bipolar. I asked Maddie to come to the camp* with me one night last week. We were having a bunch of people down to fry fish and just have a good time. Before maddie’s mom let her go, she had to meet me, which I totally understand. Just before I got there (I got lost on the way) these two guys had showed up. Maddie was standing at the door and she looked confused. She said, “I have no idea who those two guys that just showed up are.”

On the way to the camp she told me how her mom had all these younger, mid 20’s, guys coming over. She didn’t like it at all. It made her feel uncomfortable. The next afternoon I talked to her and she said one of the guys that had been there had been arrested for drugs. So she went to stay with her dad for a few days, he just lives across town so no big deal. But, that is why i believe Maddie when she says her mom is crazy. So I didn’t get to see her tonight. I talked to her at work and she was packing her things together and leaving. She is staying with her brother tonight… She had me REALLY worried. When I called her she was very upset and not ok in the least.

So the plans for tonight fell through. I still feel alright about things. Mostly I’m just trying to decide if a relationship is what I want. I’m used to living free. I go where I want to, when I want to. I party on the weekends and go to the camp just to relax. If I stay with Maddie, assuming she keeps me around, then I won’t be able to do all those things as freely as I’m used to and that scares me. I’ve always been a sucker for sappy romance movies, and I’ve been wanting another relationship since my last one crashed and burned for a couple of years, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

I’ve talked to my best friend about it, and she says it’s worth all the trouble and the struggles that go along with it. I guess we’ll see. I’m going to attempt to not be so hard on myself, although I think I deserve it most of the time.

I need to go tend to my puppy, she got into a fight and has acouple of nasty cuts that we’re trying to keep from getting infected. She’ll be 8 months old in 4 days =)

*The camp would be called a “cabin” by most… A home away from home. It’s very simple and nothing elegant, just a trailer with some add-ons and a cook shed, but it sits in the middle of a 65,000 acre Wildlife Management Area. It has some of the best fishing and hunting and sunsets in the state… It’s God’s Country.

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

What am I even DOING?

“Such young men are often awkward, ungainly, and not yet formed in their gait; they straggle with their limbs, and are shy; words do not come to them with ease, when words are required, among any but their accustomed associates. Social meetings are periods of penance to them, and any appearance in public will unnerve them. They go much about alone, and blush when women speak to them. In truth, they are not as yet men, whatever the number may be of their years; and, as they are no longer boys, the world has found for them the ungraceful name of hobbledehoy.”

I simply have no guts. I will never know the taste of glory. I can do just about anything, until it comes to girls. I cannot for the life of me have a successful relationship. I’ve been talking with this girl from work for the past couple of weeks, I really like her, she likes me. But I can’t make a move. I freeze up. I can talk to her for hours, but when it comes to make a move nothing happens.

I just don’t know. I think she is getting tired of it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts blowing me off soon. I don’t blame her a bit either. I’m upset with myself. Ashamed I can’t bring myself to do a damn thing. Who knows what could happen if I’d just do something. I am probably missing out on something that could be really great, even if only for alittle awhile. But still here I am. Pathetic…

***Edit***

In response to your comment, I cannot figure out what I’m so afraid of. Everything was so obvious. I knew she liked me. She knew I liked her. We have been “talking” for a couple of weeks. We haven’t been able to hang out very much because of our conflicting schedules. We work together and our shifts overlap, so I still see her a lot. She is a senior in high school working part time, I’ve been working there full time while taking some college classes. I think the issue is so far I’ve been all talk and no action. I’ve talked about how i liked her and say sweet things, but I’ve done nothing to actually show it. No holding hands or little kisses or anything like that and she is not used to that. The worst wouldn’t be that bad. I think I’ve let the situation deteriorate and that she’s been getting tired of waiting on me to do something… I dunno… i guess we’ll see if I’m just paranoid or right… I’m usually right for better or worse! =)

And The Beat Goes On…

“A Friend is someone who allows you distance, but is never far away.”

I am going to continue working on updating this more often. I have these thoughts run through my head all day and I wish I could write them down and dive deeper into them once I’m home. Instead I forget about it and turn on the history channel to see what’s on.

One of the things I love about the History channel is in most cases I’ll watch whatever may be on. I’m not too picky about it since most every thing they show is interesting to me. I have a few television shows that I follow like House, Heroes, and CSI Vegas, but during the summer I don’t watch much regular TV. I stay tuned to the History Channel, Discovery, Food Network, some Animal Planet, and even alittle Fox News now and again.

I’m not sure if paranoid would be the right word, but lately I’ve been making lists of things to get in case of a disaster. I don’t mean a natural disaster, we can fair fine for 3 or 4 days here. We have firewood, gas heaters and stove, a generater, and some fresh water. I mean more long term disaster. Something devastating that would change things for a long time. I’ve set some long term goals to accomplish once I get my own place. I don’t want to be caught with my pants down!

A friendship is a very special thing isn’t it? I know some people see friendships as very delicate and to be handled with care, but I think differently. Anyone who is my friend knows that I’m hardheaded. I’m a man of my convictions and I stick to them. I am very opinionated, but I keep them to myself unless asked. I see things my way and sometimes don’t understand other’s ways of thinking, but I have an open mind about things. I don’t let my friends off easy. It’s not fair to them or me and I expect the same in return. Sometimes I am too honest for peoples likings, but what good is a friend if they are not honest? I’m not going to tell you something just to make you feel better, unless I mean it. Because of all this, arguements are frequent. But we always make up and our friendship is cast in alittle harder steel. I believe this because I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

I think I am going to go start my movie now. I rented “Shooter” to watch tonight. I read the first five chapters of the book in walmart and it looked pretty awesome. I’m sorry my posts don’t really consist of much organization, good punctuation, or purpose, but it’s been awhile and I’m very rusty. take Care

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

My Love Lies Bleeding

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. “

So, back to the subject of this love thing. I’ve been through horrible break ups and broken hearts at least a dozen times. Not myself, no, but people always have confided in me their deep dark emotions. I’ve seen sides of people that most will never see, all because of this thing we call love. Through out all these heart breaks I’ve tried to pay attention and learn from their mistakes. I’ve made a list Do’s And Don’ts that I believe should be followed.

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”

DO listen to your friends. They are a lot smarter than you are, trust me. Why? Because they are thinking with their head, not their heart. The heart is dumb and blind. If they say he’s no good for you, or that you can do better, trust them. You can. If they say you should move on, that you can find someone better, Trust them. YOU CAN. You don’t believe them because in your eyes that special someone is imperfect perfection. Everything you’ve wanted and more. The heart has a way of blinding you from who a person really is. It creates this pretty picture and makes you believe it too. If your friends say to forget about him, that he is just using you, he is. Believe them and move on. You will thank them later, I promise.

“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embraces the future.”

DO take down pictures and things that remind you of him. Odds are if you believe you were in love then your bedroom is likely a shrine to this boy. If you were an alcoholic trying to quit would you hang out at a liquor store? I think not. If you are really serious about moving on you will hide the things that remind you of him. Don’t throw them away. Don’t burn them. Just tuck then in a shoe box and stick it in the closet. Put up more pictures of friends and family. You want to be surrounded by HAPPY instead of heartbreaking.

“No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves today.”

DO be honest with yourself about the situation. I have heard time and time again after they have recovered from the brokenheart, how they lied to themselves over and over again. You keep telling yourself you will never find another love like this, that he is the only one you will ever want. As long as you keep telling yourself that you are going to believe it. As long as you believe it you are going to have a hard time moving on to bigger and better things. Just be honest with yourself. Sometimes you invest so much of your heart and time and energy into a relationship that when it ends you will not admit it, you will fight and claw at the already tattered remains of love. I understand you don’t want to let go. You put everything you had into him, how can you end up with nothing? But Things happen for a reason, and even though you can’t see the reasoning right now doesn’t mean it’s not there. I do not believe that God wants you to be sad and lonely. He has great things planned for you, but as long as you dwell on the past, and live every day for the past, nothing great can happen. So pick yourself up, dust off your clothes, and look forward to the great things that lie ahead.

“Maybe apart of loving is learning to let go.”

DO go out and have fun with your friends and family. Meet new people! Go tot he movies, to the zoo, go to a friends house, go fishing. Just go. Don’t sit at home and dwell on him. How will sitting at home looking at his pictures and reading old letters help? Let your friends help you. They wanna help. They want you to come hang out. Get drunk, go crazy, just don’t sit at home wallowing in self pity. Instead think self preservation. If you let yourself have a good time, instead of believing you can only be truly happy with your ex, you will be soooo much better off.

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.”

DO NOT keep going back to him, talking to him, and trying to m ake things work. Give it a couple of shots, sure, but if it has been a month and he is still saying he needs time or if he just blows you off, quit it. STOP. If it is over just accept it. All you are doing is hurting yourself and delaying the healing process. Why do you fight for someone that doesn’t want you? You have to seperate yourself from him if you expect to move on. There is no “just friends” after intense love because odds are it won’t end well. Don’t let him lead you on and don’t be fool enough to waste your time on him once he’s gone.

“There are reasons we met, reasons for the good and the bad times, and more importantly, a reason to an end. We have more to learn, more to experience, and more loving left in this lifetime.”

DO NOT over analyze the situation. The more you pickit apart and try to figure out what did to make him do such and such or what if you’d have done this or that, the worse off you will be. It will solve nothing. You will probably end up convincing yourself it was all your fault and throw yourself into a nother pit of despair. Don’t be stupid. Sometimes things just happen for reasons that we don’t understand. Even though it may seem like the end of the world, that doesn’t mean it is. You have a lot more going for you.

“Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we’ll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create by ourselves – whether it comes with ‘pomp and blare,’ or quietly, ‘like an old friend.’ Perhaps… perhaps… we should entrust our questions of ‘How?’ and ‘Who?’ and ‘When?’ into His tender care.”

Well I suppose that is all I’ve got in me for the moment. I hope that any of you going through problems right now will try and tough it out and do whats right for You. We aren’t around on this Earth long enough to live our days in sorrow. We need to live them in happiness and amazement. Everyone have a good day.

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox