GEEZ! What a shitty year it’s been. Sorry, but I need to Vent. This is the best way. Things just keep piling up. This hasn’t been my year at all. Its been terrible. It starts to look better but then the carpet gets pulled from underneath me. There was a girl, now I think there is no shot of that happening ever. shame too. I was so close and been liking her for a very long time. But instead cupid flipped me off and crapped on my windshield. Then I turned the windshield wipers on only to find there was no fluid and made it that much worse.

I’ve got to find some way to get out of this funk! I mean geez, it’s getting ridiculous. I’ve never had a problem with stress, and still don’t ever get stressed out. But used to, I never was down in the dumps. I was always happy, even if still realistic about things.

I guess it all started last winter, when I decided it’d be a good idea to fall for a girl. Yeah, that went pretty terrible. Since the last time, waaaay back in ’05-’06, I’ve had a strict no visitors allowed policy when it comes to matters of the heart. But hey, we had a million things in common, she is a super awesome chick, she just happens to be a lying whore also. Now, I mean that in the nicest way possible. I mean going into it I knew she’d been around in the past… buuut I figured hey, having a kid now surely matured her, made her willing and ready to settle on down. Well kids, that’s why you never assume. Took things slow, I said if anything at all changes, just tell me and I’ll back off… 3 months later I get word that she’s seeing someone else. Two weeks after that I hear it again. Two weeks after that she admits it after I start being an asshole but she swears it just happened two weeks previous… I didn’t bring up what I knew. Deleted her totally and entirely from my life.. and she said I was selfish for doing that! Still haven’t understood how she figures that… Then about a month later someone else plops into my lap, things are great for about two weeks, after that was just one lie after another after another. Again, a lying whore. The other poor guy is still eating her shit. I hope it works out for him.

Then comes the current heartache, probably the only one worth being upset over. This was partly my fault, partly her asshole of an ex’s fault, and I will reserve some fault to her. She’s as hardheaded as I am. That’s a looonnngggg story, that I’m not sure I want to go into right now.

Anyways, this past weekend was my birthday weekend, As well As Squirrel Season Weekend. It’s kind of a holiday where I’m from… Schools let out and everything. Everyone heads to the woods and there are big parties and such. I’d invited her down to come stay last time I’d talked to her…. which was like a month before… She disappears a lot. Mostly when things are going too good.  She said alright. Well never did hear from here. showed up down there with someone else, kind of topped off my aggravation because she’d just vanished the past month or so before hand. Pretty much gave her the cold shoulder all weekend. And it upset her and here I am. Probably no way to make it right with all that’s gone on. Chalk another one up to foolish pride.

Now I’m sitting here watching Postseason baseball, my favorite time of year. It is keeping my mind off of things… kind of. I don’t think much will get her out of my head anytime soon. Wish I could make things better.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

Time to shower, here’s a video! Love this song!

Ah it’s been going pretty good since my last post. We have the jeep runnin like she’s brand new, so that’s great! I’ve been in Toledo bend for most of the past week, got home yesterday and went to the camp!! I’m probably going to try and spend a lot of time down there this weekend… We’ll see! Sorry for such a short update buuut I gotta run

Lets see now. There have been some pretty significant changes  since my last entry. On December 17, 2007 I started working for the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries, in the Inland Fisheries department. It has been an amazing ride so far. I love the job and the people. There is not one single jerk or rude person in our District Office. I get to be outside all day riding around in a boat. I see the sunrise of the lakes and bayous we’re on every morning!  We have lunch under a shade tree on the bank, and I get all kinds of great pictures of wildlife. I broke my camera about a month ago, so I’ll have to buy another one soon. I may post some of what I have for you to see though. 

 My dog, Lucy, has been through a lot too. But she’s a trooper. She’s had two litters of puppies and somewhere in between had to have her right front leg amputated. It was horrible! She jabbed some type of rod up her leg and tore a bunch of blood vessels. The vets did what they could to save the leg, but it had to be amputated. She’s bounced back very nicely though!  And now her first litter of puppies are bigger than she is! lol 

 In April i went to my first ever Mud Nationals Weekend. It was a blast! 5 days of fourwheeler riding and crazy people going through crazy deep mud and water! And ah what happens in Texas stays in Texas.. That’s our motto!  haha

 We had a high water at our camp this spring, so we’ve spent the last month replacing floors and repainting. It’s about ready though!!! Exciting! That place is heaven on earth… No kidding. 

 i guess that is really about it! Maybe there hasn’t been many changes! Still no girlfriend, which I expect will not change anytime soon. There are some of interest.. but none of which I could possible pursue. 

I started a diet two weeks ago. I’ve gained 15lbs since my new job started and I wanna lost twice that, Maybe alittle more. So far so good. I lost 10 lbs my first two weeks! Nothing too hardcore… just cut back on my meals and cut out snacks and dr peppers.

Last sunday my neighbor and lifelong buddy decided we were going to fix up the old Willy jeep. My dad drowned it about two summers ago, but a friend of his gave him another old worn out willy for parts. Over the past week We’ve made a lot of changes. I’ll make a post all about it, with pictures, I’m sure. Today we’re going to see if the Ole Willy will roar to life again. (It’s about 60 years old) So we’re keeping our fingers crossed on that one.

I’m gunna try to keep this blog from being too political or opinionated… So I may make another blog just for my rantings. =) 

I’m going to add a couple of pics now. Just of my job and the jeep and Mud Nationals…

I’ll explain how it happened. In short, I’m an idiot. Work has been less than enjoyable lately because we’re underpaid, overworked, and it has been super busy. Yes, I’ll take some cheese with that whine! August 30, the first LSU game. We were busy and I was running late getting out of there. As soon as I clocked off i walked out with my computer and called up Maddy cause I hadn’t been able to talk to her all day. i was talking to her and to get the keys out of my pocket to unlock my truck, i set my computer on the roof. The only thing on my mind was her and I totally forgot about the computer.

Needless to say once i got on the highway it didn’t last long. I heard it hit the side of my truck then watched it in my side mirror as it was ran over by the dually behind me. I circled back around and saw it in a thousand pieces.

So I’m not going to have as much access to the internet as usual. We have a Dell at home, but I can barely stand to be on a Windows machine for very long anymore. It always screws up one way or another. I miss the Mac… I was totally and completely spoiled by it. So until I can save up enough money for another one, I’m just out of luck. I could get a Windows PC, but I refuse to go back to that.

So I will still try to update this at least bi weekly if not every week.

Take care

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

I was spraying down the equipment listening to John Anderson singing “Your Lying Blue Eyes” and thinking heavily this afternoon at work. I had everything soaked and it was starting to get hot while the cooler defrosted, but I was in a hurry so I kept working. Thats when she walked in out of the blue. I looked at the clock, it was 5:30. She’s supposed to be at a senior meeting. But there she is. She had on flip flps, some very short (but cute not hoochie) shorts, and a green shirt that is one of her favorites i assume, cause I’ve seen her wear it often the past couple of weeks. Her hair was pulled back and she had little make up on as usual, but I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. So beautiful. To most she probably is about average, nothing special. But not to me. She is special. I can’t figure out for the life of me why… She stayed and we talked for the better part of 30 minutes. She smiles and I melt! Oh That smile!

Today when I finally made it home I got online to check my mail. There was the ole horoscope that I get every day. I usually just delete it but I decided to give it a look and it said, “Today is best for reviewing old business or thinking back on your personal history. Though you prefer the present you have a lot to learn from what went on before.” I couldn’t believe it, it was right on the money. That’s exactly what I did today. After maddie left i was in a much better mood so I started doing some thinking. Then out of now where, BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been an idiot! It may be too late to date her, i’m not sure at the moment… I’ll know tomorrow. Or perhaps tonight. We’ll see. But I’ve been so stupid.

I did this same thing before. There was a girl in highschool I met through a friend, and we hit it off. Within the first couple days we were staying up on the phone till 3 in the morning. Talking like 8+ hours of the day (during the summer) and never running outof things to talk about. It was amazing. But guess what? I never made a move. We talked about how much we liked one another. But i never made a move. I was scared to death. I’d never felt anything like that before in my life, and I still haven’t since then. The feeling didn’t leave me either, even after she assumed I just wanted to be friends (because I didn’t make a move) and started dating one of my friends. I had it BAD for her for about 4 years. Till I finally was able to just let it go… mostly due to the fact that she got married and then pregnant… totally out of no where. Anyways. I’ve been doing the same thing with maddie.

It seems like i subconciously sabotage good things. I do exactly what I shouldn’t, and somehow convince myself that it’s OK. I don’t need to do anything. it’ll be alright. Inaction is the worst possible thing I could do. I’ve been talking with her for almost 2 weeks. No action. So I’m going to try and make things right. We’ll see how that goes I guess… I hope I’m not too late… I would keep typing and try to explain, but I’m super tired and I want to call her up…

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

Ah, I stay totally confused with this beginning relationship stuff. My last post was pretty pessimistic, and I’m sorry for that. I get down at times… for the most part I’m a optimistic type when it comes to most things. I see every sunset as a beautiful miracle God creates every day. I take in all the little things. I never take them for granted. I try to notice every pretty blue sky and every nice cool breeze. Little things like that keep me happy, and most likely sane too!

Then here comes this girl into play, and each day seems like a rollercoaster. One day she seems almost fed up with my lack of advances, but then that night she calls and we talk for hours, then the next morning she calls to wake me up, to make sure I’m to work on time and we talk for awhile more.

I had to work the late shift today, and she was off, so I figured maaaybe we could hang out when I got off work. Things looked pretty good. Then her and her mom got into a fight. They fight a lot, and I actually think it’s more because of her mom. Her mom and dad are divorced and she says her mom is bipolar. I asked Maddie to come to the camp* with me one night last week. We were having a bunch of people down to fry fish and just have a good time. Before maddie’s mom let her go, she had to meet me, which I totally understand. Just before I got there (I got lost on the way) these two guys had showed up. Maddie was standing at the door and she looked confused. She said, “I have no idea who those two guys that just showed up are.”

On the way to the camp she told me how her mom had all these younger, mid 20′s, guys coming over. She didn’t like it at all. It made her feel uncomfortable. The next afternoon I talked to her and she said one of the guys that had been there had been arrested for drugs. So she went to stay with her dad for a few days, he just lives across town so no big deal. But, that is why i believe Maddie when she says her mom is crazy. So I didn’t get to see her tonight. I talked to her at work and she was packing her things together and leaving. She is staying with her brother tonight… She had me REALLY worried. When I called her she was very upset and not ok in the least.

So the plans for tonight fell through. I still feel alright about things. Mostly I’m just trying to decide if a relationship is what I want. I’m used to living free. I go where I want to, when I want to. I party on the weekends and go to the camp just to relax. If I stay with Maddie, assuming she keeps me around, then I won’t be able to do all those things as freely as I’m used to and that scares me. I’ve always been a sucker for sappy romance movies, and I’ve been wanting another relationship since my last one crashed and burned for a couple of years, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

I’ve talked to my best friend about it, and she says it’s worth all the trouble and the struggles that go along with it. I guess we’ll see. I’m going to attempt to not be so hard on myself, although I think I deserve it most of the time.

I need to go tend to my puppy, she got into a fight and has acouple of nasty cuts that we’re trying to keep from getting infected. She’ll be 8 months old in 4 days =)

*The camp would be called a “cabin” by most… A home away from home. It’s very simple and nothing elegant, just a trailer with some add-ons and a cook shed, but it sits in the middle of a 65,000 acre Wildlife Management Area. It has some of the best fishing and hunting and sunsets in the state… It’s God’s Country.

–Your Friendly Neighborhood Ox

I simply have no guts. I will never know the taste of glory. I can do just about anything, until it comes to girls. I cannot for the life of me have a successful relationship. I’ve been talking with this girl from work for the past couple of weeks, I really like her, she likes me. But I can’t make a move. I freeze up. I can talk to her for hours, but when it comes to make a move nothing happens.

I just don’t know. I think she is getting tired of it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts blowing me off soon. I don’t blame her a bit either. I’m upset with myself. Ashamed I can’t bring myself to do a damn thing. Who knows what could happen if I’d just do something. I am probably missing out on something that could be really great, even if only for alittle awhile. But still here I am. Pathetic…

***Edit***

In response to your comment, I cannot figure out what I’m so afraid of. Everything was so obvious. I knew she liked me. She knew I liked her. We have been “talking” for a couple of weeks. We haven’t been able to hang out very much because of our conflicting schedules. We work together and our shifts overlap, so I still see her a lot. She is a senior in high school working part time, I’ve been working there full time while taking some college classes. I think the issue is so far I’ve been all talk and no action. I’ve talked about how i liked her and say sweet things, but I’ve done nothing to actually show it. No holding hands or little kisses or anything like that and she is not used to that. The worst wouldn’t be that bad. I think I’ve let the situation deteriorate and that she’s been getting tired of waiting on me to do something… I dunno… i guess we’ll see if I’m just paranoid or right… I’m usually right for better or worse! =)